Can not breathe


oh , i cannot breathe !!!that's the movie i donno whethere i like it or not !
it's just i wonder why there are some people like that ,it's so cruel /
i just feel that once you start something ,you could stop ,you could change it
but how could it be if u can not !!
i mean something is just under it's way ,
like god had put a clear way that he knows
or like this way only you donno
but you are enjoying it ,
and you appreciate it so much
others just make fun of you and laugh behind you, that's they are !!
we should pay for we have done before
but it's just the way god made it before
how could you choose
oh, jesus ,if i were the man ,how could i face all the thing
i dont want to be a coward ,but actually it's the way i am !!
such FUCK8ING SHIT !!!!!!!
sometimes i hate what i am !!
but thankful , you are here , give me so much sunshine !!
hard candy, hard heart ,that's the way i shoulb be?? !!
so scare !!!
jesus ,hard candy !!!

daily hope 20160318

every date in history is actully dated including your birthday in relation to the recurection of jesus christ.every time you write a date, you are using jesus as the focus point.
when we say 2014, 2015, 2016, from what? from the birth, and the death and recurrection of jesus christ. even atheist refer jesus every single time they write down a date.
now the recurection of jesus accomplish a lot of different things across aplided history across AD and BC.but the first thing it did is to validate jesus's identity. it proved that he was who he claimed to be.
纵观历史,很多人说自己是God。但是只有Jesus说我要证明这一点,通过允许他们把我放进死亡, 我会被订在十字架上,然后我们在三天之后活着回来,我会在耶路撒冷走动,你知道的,40天。
throughout history, lots of people claims to be god.but jesus said i am gonna prove it by letting them put me to death and i am gonna die on cross and I am gonna come back three days later alive. and I am walking around jerusalem, you know, for anther 40 days.
Can you image walking down the street and you put him on the cross and here goes that he's back. be kind of strang, you know.Jesues also proved by the receurection that there is life after death.
the death is not the end of the story.what i wants to look at this weekend is the fact that jesus gives us a model in his death, his burul and his receurection.
he gives us a model of how to handle pain in life. the bible says this.where did he say that. In the book of first Perter, first perter, chapter 2, verse 21 says this God calls you to endure suffering,
in another words, to go through tough times.Because Chirst suffered for you.and he saids he left you an example so you could follow in his foot steps.in another words, through Jesus death,burel and resurection, he models what you should do in the worst days of your life.
when you go through the tragedies, the terrible pains cicumstances.the days of doubts,depression,despair,he says you need to follow the model what Jesus did when he suffered.
now let me explain. Jesus death, burriel and resurection happens over three days.Friday was the day of pain,and suffering and agony.Saturday was the day of loss, and griefe and confusion and miseary.
Sunday was the day of joy, celebration and victory.now here is the thing,in your life, you are going to go through all the three days over and over and over again.
some of you are right now in the day of pain.some of you are right now in the day of confusion and doubt you have the slightest idea about what you are going to do next.
hopefuly you will get the day of joy. but often you will go through all those three days.
when you do, you are going to ask three fundemental questions: what do i do in my days of pain.how do i got through my days of doubts and confusion.how do I get to my days of victory.
that's what we are gonna look at today. i need to tell you this but you need this message. you may not in the problem right now but you will have tragedy and you will have loss,major loss in your life at some point.
and so if any week you need to take notes, this's the week because i am going to teach you what jesus did in the worst days of his life so you can know what you need to do in the worst days of your life.
你不知道这样的日子什么时候会来到。去年复活节,我无法预料五天之后会发生的事情。那天,我讲道,我不记得有多少场了,大概有5万-5万5千人来到sattle back 教会。
and you don't when that is gonna to happen. last easter, i had no idea what was about to happen five days later. on estear i spoke and taught, i don't know how many services, about 50/55 thouthands people come to sattle back church on all campuses.

it was a great wonderful day, many people gave their life to jesus. i have no idea on that easter that five days later would be the worst day in my life.on that day, my 27 years old son, who struggles for his entire life of mental illness, would take his life.it was the worst day of my life,and this last year was the worst year of my life. and i went through the Saterdays and the Sundays over and over again.the days of pain, the days of confusion, the days of pain and the days of loss, the days of suffering and the days of grief over and over.one that I am going to teach you this weekend are things i learned from the easter story that you can use on your life. becuse over and over times during the past 365 days i have been asked how are you getting through this. how are you handling the loss of a child in such a severe way. how are you getting on through your grief. every time i would say i am looking the example of jesus.the answer is easter, i am just following the model he did.so lets look the three days, the last three days of jesus's life before he died and was recurected as a model of how you can go through the toughest days in your life.we begain with the day of pain.friday was the day of pain.and jesus experiece pain at the ulmost level.let me explain, first he experienced phisical pain.the bile tells us he was beaten,the bile tells us he was swept.that he was wounded.that he was spit on.that he was slapped. and he was plunged out his beard just to be mean that he stuck a crown of thorns down to his gown. that he was scourged. what a scourging is just different with sweeping.it's a long whip with kind of nine tails in the end of it. they will tired up little bit of rocks and glass at the end. so every time they would sweep you, it will tire you at the back.so nine times 40 stripes, you will figure the numbers of wounds in jesus back before he went to the cross.and then they took him without sleep,without food, without water. he is been up all night.an they take and nailed him to a cross. which is the worst form of torching that you can imagin.i don't have time to get into it. the death of crucifiction is the death by suffercation. that's why they often break the bones of your legs so you could not stand up anymore and could not breath anymore.jesue expeirence the ultmate phisical pain.but he also experience the altomust emotional pain and phicilogical pain beause the death on cross was the death by humilation.how do you like to be stripped and naked and nailed like this and let people watch you die.it was a death of humilation, a death of degradation,a death of shame.he went through the pain of rejection, he went through the pain of betrayal, many of you know the pain that causes that he experienced that. but here is another kind of pain that none of you experience to his degree, that spiritual pain. because jesus died on the cross for all the sins of mankind which means he took the guilt that every evil crime, every ugly sin throughout history, all the guilt on him at one point. so he takes...you know how bad you feel if you feel guilty of one thing.how would you like to carry the guit of every murder every rape every child molestation.the holocaust,the genocide, every evil thing every inhumanity to man, he took all that guilt to him self.he went through the hell of separation from god when he crys out on the cross: "my god, my god, why are you forget to seek me", so we have never expereince that kind of intense phicical,mental, spirital pain combined.one thing you can be cercern about jesus is this.he understands pain.he understands every pain you go through and he sympothize with it.the bible says in hibrews 4 jesus undersands all the trails and temptation for he went through all the temptations and trials as we do.yet he never sinned.as bible says in hebrew 2, since jesus went through suffering and temptation, he knows what's like when we suffer and temptated and here is the key he's able to help us.he knows the patern the pathway, and the power to get through the friday, saterdays, the day of pain ,the days of confusion in your life.so what do you do in your days of pain?you do the two things the jesus did on the last day of his life. you need to write this down.the two things that jesus did and he model us to do and followed his example, number one is going to surprise you, reach out to friends.that's the first thing jesus did.their presents can be helpful in your life and sharing the pain on the night when jesus know that day he would be rested and tourched and executed. the last day he did on planet earth was to gother his closest friend togerther and say i need you guys that hung out with me.i don't need any severment, i don't need any speeches, any teachment, any advice,i just need you to be with me.this is the ministry of presents.he says that i need to pray.he goes to his favorite pray spot, it was called the garden of gethsemane, gethsemane is an oliver on the Mount of olivers, you can call it oliver garden ? but that's the resterant. so we will just call it the grove of olives.this's where jesus regular went to pray.so he takes his 11 closes guys, Judas died. those peoples has spent 3 years with him.they are his most intimate friends.and he just says in my day of deepest need of greatest pain i just need my friends hung out with me.notice what the bile said on mathew chapter 26, verse 26, jesue took the disciples with him to get to gethsemane.and he said stay here with me.just circle that. i just need you to be present with me while I pray.then he took peter, and james and john a little further.he was filled with anguish and deepest stress cause he know what's coming.and he said to them, my heart is so overwhelmed and crushed with sorrow that i feel like i am dying.just sit here and just watch with me. and jesus just take a few more steps and fall on the ground and he prayed.that passage in the bible tells us two stunning things of facts that even the son of god needs friends in the middle of pain. even jesus needed friends to be round with him. you see that is exact opposite of what you normally do.when you are in pain, you typically isolated yourself. you back out of the relations when you are in phisical pain, when you are in crown pain, when you are in emotional pain,when you are in mental pain.when you are have a failure and when you had a enormous hurt, when you are embarrassed or shamed. whatever it was.you typical begin to isolate.that's dumb.it's a mistake to pull back from your friends in your pain. god never mean for you to go through life alone.he meant them to share your pain with you, he meant for you to share their pain when they are in pain.do not isolate. the another thing is stunning about this, how open, and how god level honest and how offenic jesus is about his emotional condition.he does not suger coded, like you know that i am fine, 'how are you doing', oh ,i have faith.no he tells them how exactly he feels.and he says my heart is so overwhelmed, so crushed with sorrow.that i feel like i am dying. have you ever have god level honest with anyboday? or have you just hide all in and suck it up and pretend thins are good and said 'oh i am fine' when it was not fine. you are going through a enormous pain.you know god says i don't want you to repress your pain, i dont want you to suppress your pain.i want you to express your pain to your friends. i want you to confess your pain to me.you are gonna to get it out.let me show you a verse.glaciens 62 says: cary each other's burdens and in this way you fulfil the law of chirst: love your neighbour as yourself.the bible says that i am commend by god to be there for you when you are in pain and you are commend to be there for me when you are in pain. we are carring each other's burden in that way our burdens in halves.you never meant to go through life on your own.last friday i met a friend of mine for disscussion. ? yep hi on west coast.he is a very famous person and in fact he won the nobile prize of peace.his name was elliz wizale.elli wizale has writen 75 books for his entire life since world war 2.batte for piece and recoselation. but he is know for he suveries in ? camp in world war 2.he was the book of wall.?he was there to say the book of wall and he went the torture and termination of friends and family, 6 millons jews was killed in the holocast.last friday i was meeting my friends, i said,how do you get through the darkest days of your pain.he said god and friends.the very two things that jesus look to when he was in his darkest day of his life, and the very two things that god wants you to turn to when you are in pain: first you reach out to your friends, i stand before you ??, my small group, 8 people, 4 women, 4 man, 4 couples, that we have been togerther now about 11 years.we have been throught every problem that you could ever imagin. i just in their life when they are in pain and they showed up last year when i was in pain, ??? any way they could. they spent night in our hourse, they brought food, they have care,in the middle of night, i would have call them.as i was going through this day of friday over and over.they were there when i needed them.if you are not in a small group, i actually worry about you, cause you don't have the safety net that are going to carry out when you are in the road of night.how's going to help you out when you have the tragedy?who's going to be there for you?no body could told me what would happen last easten, i just imagin that things is going to be great.i had no idea the wars that i am going to fight in five days later. you dont know when you gonna to hit the war. so you start by reaching to friends just as jesus did, now friends are central but friends can not be with you all the time. god can but friends can't. friend can be there and understand the depthe of your pain but the can't understand the real deapth of pain like god can.and friends have other things that they have to do and friends got tired and god never got tired.the fact is, jesus frients, at the depth of his pain, they fell asleep.now i am not going to put them down for that, i am not.the first place, the showed up.they were there. the second place i have fallen sleep countless times in my small group.?? so i gave you permission to sleep in your group. it's better to go your small group and go sleep than stay home and watch television.but at least, they showed up.but friends can not be there all the time.but god's never gets tired.

you know perhaps the best known verse in john 3-16, for god so loves the world, that he gives his only son , that whoever believes in him shall not perished but get eternal life.easter is god shouting down to earch that i love you, i love you, i love you. i care about you , i want you in my family.have you realy grafted that?i want chanllege you this easter,do come to you easter service alone,you know there are two time in a year, people will accept the invitation to church service, chirstamus and easter. so do not miss this great opportunity to invite somebody that you cares about who doesn't know jesus. don't to the church by yourself on easter. that you know on chapeter ?? says that go out to highways, the countrysides, earge everone you found to come in that my hourse would be full. god wants a full house.i want people in heaven because you care engouh to invite them. i gurantee you the people you invite are going to hear the gosepel message on easter. so make a list to people that you are going to invite that you bring them to easter service with you.thanks for listening today.?? i would deeply apprecicated.i know not anybody can afford to give a lot someof you cann't.but whatever amount you give ??i want you know all the amount of the money you give goes into the ministry.i do this for free and i dont ake salary from it so you be certain this going to further the good news around the world.

Since when I become so observant about surroundings, try to think what people's mood, hiding my real thought, and the longer it lasts, the deeper my real self leaving away from me.

These days I feel so lonely, I keep checking my WeChat and other social media as well as dating apps to see if anyone left any message for me, asking out for a drink. but no, no asking, no inviting.

Nervous can induce you making fault ,which will also helps you get ready, once you're fully prepared, just let things take its own course, you do your best, and the rest is god blessed.

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